June 27, 2003

philo @ 2am

i just tried to goto bed... but woke myself. thinking about things... life, past present and future. what i've been... am... and will some day be. yea, another one of those [quasi] deep philosophical moments. not sure where its leading either. i just watched a movie... that i'm damn sure no more than hand full of u have even heard of. shit, even the person its based on... i'd venture no more than the same number of you knowning who he is. although i am not that person, not in his position, even his 'generation'... i can relate to him. does you having not seen this film or heard its story suggest that you the reader are il-educated? certainly not... though it does imply rather that non-mainstream media is overlooked by the majority. thats simply how it is... i'll get over it. its a movie about a sub-culture. and a legend within that group. i myself am in my own respect a member of that same sub-culture. and though in a few short years the times have changed, the intent... the purpose remains the same. society dictates that i am an outcast... because of my pledged membership to this group. in our society outcasts are persecuted... we might not want to openly admit to that... preaching acceptance, understanding. but just stop kidding urself, we as human beings judge. we all walk around with our prejudices... some just handle them better than others. unrelated... but taking advice from alan.

ah, a fresh paragraph, rofl. on with my rant... this sub-culture has its own 'distinguishable' characteristics... most of which though, are not outwardly visable. it has been called a dark corner of society that i and my fellows come from... but this is not in the least an elitist group. membership is not governed upon race, location, age, sexuality, intelligence... or any other discriminatory factor. now, i'd hope that i have you wondering what in the hell it is i am blabbing about... and that will hopefully hold you through until i do divulge that information. in this group of many sisters and brothers i may only know a few, and most i will never know or even know of specifically... yet i know they exist. there are hints... signs... not so much noticed by all... but to a 'member' widely recognized. now i bet ur just thinking i'm some elitist bastard... haha i know what u don't. i do not intend to offend... though we all know what others do not. secrets of life, of existence, of others and ourselves. the rituals of this society are as diverse as its members... although there are some basics. those which i will tell when the time is right.

'where are u taking me?' u might ask... that myself i cannot answer. what u get out of my rantings is yours and yours alone. i intend to inform. to preach, in my own way, about this 'secret' life i live. i would not by this imply that i am out to convert... such things are impossible. although, this is not a life you are born with... its not one you may even die with. although, it is a life you can choose to lead. 'no one can be told what the matrix is...' someone once said that... sarah would kill me if i ever forgot... but that is the general idea here. not to be so wholistic and simple... but no one can be told what this 'society' is... in order to understand it... u must find it on your own. and i know most of you could care less. i've probably lost a few readers... this is beginning to sound like a load of crap isn't it. maybe it is, but this is for me isn't it. for me its far from that. though even i am not sure whether i've strayed from the topic of this rant... but i don't think that i intended to go anywhere. its late... i am rambling.

tragically, all good rants must come to an end. the varying degrees of the membership and depth to which each person is 'involved' in this society are as vast as the members themselves. i am not the others so i may only speak for myself. and here goes... i am: an idler... a chatter... an oper... a peon... a script kiddie... a cracker... a techno-weenie... a programmer... a raver... a theologian... an admin... root... a webmaster... a packet munkey... surfing... riding the 'wave' of technology... a hacker... an internet specialist... a techie... an ubergeek... speeding on the information super highway... a zombie... a hax0r... a scriptor... in plain english (skip to here if u want the spoiler) a geek/nerd. i am all of those at the same time... and not fully able to be distunguished as just one. of varying degrees of course, as it should be. i would never want to be just one of those. its not in me. i am into: multitasking... techno/europop (yes not all electronic music is classified as 'techno')... staying up all hours for absoultely no reason staring intently, or blankly, at this screen... chatting with people that yes i don't know, and never will... reading the fucking manual for the sole purpose of doing something for myself, and by myself... fixing what doesn't need to be... pinging out lamers on dalnet... dccing... compiling... being l33t...re-compiling... all of the things that most would refer to as 'geeky.' and that even more would call unnecessary. i never said it was that. that list could go on ya know... but i do want to maintain some readability here. and oh yea, i love ... i tend to over do those.

this all is part of who i am, its reflected in my daily habits... especially my job. *cough... it is a life i lead apart from 'reality'... and away from the hazards and happenings of the real world. u may think its silly, or just plain laughable... but there are things i have learned from this 'sub-culture' that are nearly impossible to in real life... there is a certain level of understanding and acceptance that goes along with it all. that most, may never know about. choose as u will, it is after all your life to live. and this is mine. so as i holster my keys for the night i'll leave u with one thought of the many i have now: wear sunglasses, cause reality might be brighter and more than you expected. and no one wants to see that stupid look on ur face when u suprise yourself with life. honestly i'm not sure what i am saying now, it being an hour n 20min after i started this entry. oh! i got a better thought: live is long, take it in stride... cause its the only one u got. that i like better... but who knows, maybe u won't. i think its almost laughable that i took the entire length of ur browser window to tell u that i'm a geek... perhaps even a few lengths. well ha! props to kevin mitnick, he's the aforementioned cyberterrorist legend... maybe it'd be good to learn somethin new today and read about his life. all u can do is learn...

_ Johnny

pS: that really was um... something, what i'm not sure. enjoyable none-the-less; adieu

Posted by Johnny at June 27, 2003 03:25 AM
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